Anticimpatience

At 5 weeks, Tillie is now filling out her onsies, beginning to bust out of her newborn diapers, and has finally started showing a little excitement about her surroundings. Dadnabbit, she is growing! Man it happens fast. But, then it’s also not happening fast enough. I find myself obsessing about what she will be like when she is 1, when she is 5, when she is 15, when she is 40. Will I always be this preoccupied with her future? Her eyes are changing color, but we still can’t tell what color they will be. Her eyebrows are red and her hair reddish brown, but that all could fall out and any shade of hair color could replace it. And then there are all the questions about her little unformed personality. What will be her passions? Her pursuits? Her preferences? A mother wants to know! If I am not careful, I will forget to enjoy the present while fixating on the future. I wonder what her future therapist will have to say about all this. And, how old is her future therapist right now—is he/she even out of the 3rd grade yet?